Airiane

We are in the same boat except that we have two small ones already. Both of our children are asking for another sibling.We know that we
only have a few years before time runs out for procreation.Family has asked frequently if another one is coming soon.I came from a large family they are great.We have already had two children with colic and now with busy lives I am uncertain we could return to life with little sleep and still meet the needs of ourselves, our children and our business.
We are considering adoption, the ministry has many children who would be happy to find a forever home.

McKinley M. Hellenes

Yikes, that was an ominous comment, Melissa!

You know, Hal, I am an only child, and I have always regretted that. I wanted a sister or a brother—actually, as I get older, I crave a sister more than anything. But some people are only meant to have one child. My mother is one of those people. So I have always thought it worked out for the best. It’s important to consider your own parental temperament, or so I understand. I’m not a parent myself, so I don’t really know anything about that side of things. You and W. know better than anyone else if a multiple child family is best for you as a couple.

I think not stressing about it too much is a good way of going about it—just letting whatever happens happen. I’ve read that people trying to have a child conceive more easily when they don’t really *try*. Especially as they get older. The stress really affects them, and trying too hard often causes grief. When they quit trying they usually end up conceiving. Maybe that is how it will be for you and W. You are instinctively not working yourselves up about it, which is smart.

Either way, I hope you will have exactly what your hearts truly want, and kudos for sharing this with us. How does W. feel about that, incidentally? Does she watch your vlogs? I’d be interested to know how involved/interested she is—or does she try to keep out of the whole thing entirely?

It’s interesting for us to hear about her,and E., but know nothing about them. Do you think it is possible for us to truly get to know *you* without ever knowing your family? How much do you think our family life is a part of our identity? Or do you think it is actually better to strip away that side of yourself to really get down to the knitty gritty of Who Hal Really Is Deep Down In The Recesses of His Soul? Do our familial relationships somehow cloud our natural states of being, or do they inhance them?

I am undecided about this. I often think we must learn to split ourselves in two: The Family Person, and the Secret Self. I also find that a lot of people don’t feel this divide. I wonder what you think about this.

Sam Niedzviecki

Well, putting in my “unbiased” 2 cents!

As your parents —- yes you should!

For many of the above reasons and of course we’d love it to death.

You know the promise your mother made.  Her retirement is just around the corner.

McKinley M. Hellenes

Wow, that was great! Welcome, Mr. Niedzviecki!

Grant S.

Hi Hal, Grant here. We have one-looks like it is going to stay that way -and he is one happy kid-we live in a neighbourhood with lots and lots of kids and our son is like the Pied Piper -they all end up at our house. If we were to have another it would be adopted and we have talked this over with our son and investigated the process-gone to a meeting.
If you are half heartedly,haphazardly trying to have a kid and leaving it to the fates -guess what?-you are going to have one.
Then there is this saying we once heard when our boy was less than a year -Remember one is like none -two are like ten! Oh well at least you have family nearby to help out -which is something my sweetie and I never experienced out here in the sticks on the edge of the world.
In any case all the best,congratulations on your book’s success Hal -now real life calls.

AFlows

About whether or not you and your wife should have another child: I’m not surprised that you getting social pressure, people are amazingly pro-having-children. But people are kind of “sweet in the brain” if you ask me. By that I mean, people tend to focus on the “sweet” part of doing something that’s considered positive, like having a baby. I tend to be more practical in my decisions.

Years ago in my 20s when I was younger, I use to watch women goo on the bus over a baby brought onto the bus. I used to sit there quietly, observing this and wondering if the woman doing the goo-ing was out of her mind. “It’s just a baby” I thought, “they grow up and move around and make noise.”

I’ve looked after babies. I looked after my niece right from the time she was born for the first few months quite a bit. I was happy when the my “shift” was over. I knew from that experience that having babies and child rearing is a heck of a lot of work.

So I say, it’s up to you as to whether or not you have a second baby. Or up to the fates, if you keep trying intermittently. Your not making a definitive choice, and that’s still a choice, by the way. If you get pregnant, and you didn’t really want to, you still have to go a good job raising that child. Have you thought of that?

Social pressure? Well poo poo that. I’ve heard people mention that they don’t like the social pressure for having babies or getting married, etc., and my answer to that is… don’t tell people what your contemplating and they won’t give you social pressure.

Do what you want to do, because it’s your life, and your the one who has to raise that kid when it comes, not anyone else.

As for your first child, get her one or more of the other things she wants in lieu of the baby. She’ll forget about the sibling eventually.

When I was 7 I started bugging my mom for a baby, but she told me the baby factory was closed, so I just had to get over it. She was pretty definitive in the way that she told me, which helped me stop bugging her. She also reassured me that she still loved me, which helped. I had older siblings, but they were much older than me, and have never been much good use to me.

My mother once said to me when I was younger about having kids, “don’t you want a baby who looks just like you, and acts like you?” Etc. And I look at her horrified, because I’ve never thought I was particularly nice enough looking to what to re-generate myself for those reasons.

Anyway, I must reveal my bias. I only ever wanted to be a parent for about 10 minutes in my life, and then I got over it. I never had children. But do what you want, because you’ll have to raise that kid no matter what. The people who put social pressure on you to have that kid, won’t be around to raise it… And that’s what I told my mother, by the way, when she kept up the social pressure. It stopped her. But I’m not “sweet in the brain” as so many people seem to be.